Public Service Announcement: to all those who tell moms how much their child looks like their dad.
Welcome! If this is your first time here, its mine too. Hi, I'm Cheyenne (Chey), a food/lifestyle blogger, and this is my first "rant." I'm so excited.
Just kidding, I hate ranting. I do however feel particularly impatient to explain for myself, and all the other moms, who want to but haven't yet, or just need another mom friend to justify the following message.
I have two(three) lovely children. Two biological and one who created "mom" in this house, and guess what? They. all. look. like. their. dad.
Please excuse me while I preach out loud. I KNOW! People, we know. We carried 'em, (or didn't) we push 'em out (or didn't) and no matter how they got here we are raising these lovely, cheez-it smushing, couch destroying, car-juice spilling, adorable little beings, and that covers seeing their dried jelly cheeks (hopefully face).
We made them with said "dad" so we obviously at some point (even if they are just plain shitty at washing dishes and folding laundry, bless their hearts) love(d) them. After the entire process of getting them into this world, when our littles were born we saw their faces, and we had our flood of thoughts. Mostly things like "omg it's so squishy, omg it smells like Heaven, ohhhhh my GOD I have a child. I am a child. I'm 20 or 30 something but I cant keep plants alive."
We brace ourselves to take them home and begin our lives together and hopefully it's going good, and then it happens. Someone approaches you and your bundle of joy and looks at his or her's perfect baby face and they say it:
"Oh wow do they look like their dad!"
GIRLLLLLLLLLLL (or.. man?) This baby just came out of my body like a cannon and that's your opening statement? Now, it is a true statement, and it continues for years and we tell ourselves not to be offended by it and take it as a compliment because of course it (hopefully) is! However, here's a new take for you're innocently offensive earholes.
It. hurts. our. feelings.
No matter how goodhearted it may be. That's our baby! We love it more than AIR and you just keep reminding us how much he or she "doesn't look like they even came from us at all." Gee, thank you lady at grocery store. You don't have a single clue how this kid got here. I mean obviously it was born one way or another but think about that.
Think about our girls who had terribly scary pregnancies. Think about the ones who had to alter their natural bodies to even get pregnant. Our girls who adopted, and the ones doing it all on their own. Our girls who couldn't touch their baby for days, weeks, due to prematurity or other health problems. The mom's who struggle with life after a baby?The mom's who had miscarriages and battle believing it was their fault they couldn't get pregnant or carry to term. How about the moms on bedrest because getting up out of bed could compromise their entire pregnancy? Ladies who's labor plan went wrong in every way possible and they still are sensitive about the fact their pride and joy was chainsawed out of their bodies and not only is their young, flat, smooth stomach forever changed, you just said after all that they "don't look a thing like us."
In my life, my girl does look just like her dad. Undeniable. And guess what? Her dad didn't get to be with her past 3 months old because the world had other plans for us. He passed away before she was even old enough to recognize his face. Her brothers, they look like him too, but they also look like their moms. This girl, she is a spitting image of her biological father. While I am humbled to know that in the worst situation I lost their dad, I have this beautiful reminder of him, I am now also burdened with this idea of how will my child feel knowing that he or she looks 'just like her dad' but she doesn't even know him. How frustrating for her. How hard to understand, when in her life she has to constantly hear she looks like a man she doesn't get to know. On top of that how about the guilt she may feel after, because she is loved and raised by someone, who in her world is "her dad," and those people making these innocent, obvious facts aren't talking about him. Finally, what about any mom like me who lost their person and their kids are the carbon copies of their dad. It hurts to hear it sometimes. We grieve in all different stages. For me, I was angry. I was mad I lost him and honestly, it made me mad to constantly hear how much my daughter looked like her dad, because looking at my baby hurt. That perfect little face, those eyes, the side smile, she was his "twin" and he wasn't here with me to love her.
Moms, we aren't self-absorbed animals. Every now and then of course we are happy to hear it, we love(d) their dad. It's a compliment to them, and dad's deserve recognition. The dads who are up all night with sick kids, go to work all day and come home ready to play. The real ones who are in for the long haul even if you aren't together anymore. The late night store goers because we're out of pull-ups. The dads who woke up for feedings, who fell asleep on the couch watching Paw Patrol too. The devoted dads, working 40+ hours, for the safety of their family, and everyone else's families too. We love you dads, but this one is for the moms. We need a little love here too. Tough as we are, it doesn't hurt to just say how undeniably cute they are without mentioning who they look like... and damn, if that baby ever makes a face or something that reminds you of mom, LET A GIRL KNOW.
So, louder for the people in the back, we know our kids looks like their dad. PLEASE stop informing us every single time you see them, and let us get back to our Target run ;)
*This post is not in partnership with any of the tagged links, however please feel free to give them a click and educate yourself. Donate what you can, or just help bring awareness. Except target, they're also not in paid partnership, but who are we kidding, we support them.